nature gave me Legs

you gave me wings

nurture got me walking

you set me free for flying

heritage gave me roots

“you can soar” ~ you never stopped saying

~~~

against me was your worst

toward me your affections burst

dark was your judas kiss

yet the sun shone from your love ~

~ not a day did it miss

your value was over and above

~~~

God saw every sin

an open book to him

i poured out my tears

in anguish and in prayers

his answer ~ always love

in him hope did not leave

~~~

the crime that stole my shine

was not of your design

the cruel that crushed my spirit

was not your arm that did it

fear ~ my daily torment

and unrelenting snores

did not hijack my night ~ through yours

~~~

Troubles were quiet

we became a duet

Our brokenness marked time

patent granted since our prime

while managing your mess

your rescue came to bless

while managing mine

i didn’t see yours climb

~~~

When they could no longer hide

they broke your vow in two

torn from your bride

blinded by shame were you

now you can see

you’re coming back to me

~~~

If you survive the fall.

believe that you can mend,

then climb back up the wall

your dreams did not end

~~~

then together forever

fragile ~ delicate ~ sore

but safe to shore

and soon to soar

no longer an unwelcome guest

tomorrow invites your best

~~~

the dark knight has gone

my prince is home

the script has changed our story

yesterday is history

our love will shine even brighter

through the cracks that hold us tighter

~~~

reflecting the beauty of hopefulness

the supremacy of mercifulness

the power of forgiveness

yielding healing and acceptedness

~ no more to frown

for trust ~ will be a jewel in our crown

I want to hear him say

i want to see him do

i want to want to let him

say and do ~ for him ~ not me or you…

Easy to say ~ not so easy to put into practice.

This is the only way it can be ~ I refuse to make known mine or others demands ~ I turn down the option to ask him for anything in this pathway of reconciliation.

This doesn’t mean there are no demands ~ I have many.

I have a long list ~

He doesn’t know from my voice what they are ~ There is no hurry ~ I am not rushing this process.

It is his conscience he needs to listen to ~

If he is willing to listen it will speak to him.

There are actions he is either ignoring or procrastinating for now ~ he knows what they are…

He has ticked some boxes already.

They’re like instalments ~ they need to be regular and continuous deposits of loyalty and commitment to his God, marriage and family account.

I need to watch and hear him do what needs to be done and say what needs to be said. It’s what he desires and understands to be vital, urgent and important that is going to make things right and will make the difference.

Not because demands are made of him.

If i directed him in these matters he would do them and say them, one by one as i pointed them out. He loves me ~ he will want to please me.

I need more ~ We need more ~ Him ~ Me ~ His Family.

We need to see him taking the initiative and not relying on anyone to point out what is required.

I have done this throughout our marriage in many ways.

Dropping hints ~ most times i needed to drop a house brick before he would hear what i was saying or needed.

He phoned my mother today ~ to say happy birthday to her ~ Brownie point!

He has never phoned my mum before ~ I was immensely proud of him for doing that.

I would never have thought to ask this of him, which made it even more significant.

Truth alone ~ will protect us. Truth alone ~ will heal us. Truth alone ~

will rebuild and reconcile us.

Lies alone ~ will damage us. Lies alone ~ will deteriorate us. Lies alone ~

will divorce us.

A Lie is never our ally. A friend recently said to me ~

‘Truth is our friend’ ~ A loyal friend.

A hard truth is more healing than a easy lie.

A hard truth may take time to figure out ~ An easy lie will only take an instant to mess everything up.

So far ~ So good.

I don’t know yet how to not be suspicious or imagine an ulterior motive in play or anticipate the reappearance of the Grey One.

This will take time to change ~ there are times i think it will take longer than i hoped. There are so many things that trigger doubts and anxieties that need to die. But i am committed to accept the change with open arms and embrace trust for my husband ~ My loved one.

The one thing I cannot demand is his loyalty ~ It can only be given and this is what I need and expect from now ~ I can only give him mine.

 

 

for Big Ben you do not wait ~ early? no negotiate

you are never out of date ~ or ever even late

struck dumb is not your chime

     you ~ ‘TIME’ 

won’t silence for a dime

above all

~ it’s only what’s TRUE that you recall

it has to be admitted

you will not be outwitted

no-one gets a step ahead 

many try to stand you still

and for a little while ‘TIME’

~ they believed you paid their bill

we need you as you will

for all those things that only you ~

‘TIME’

~ can tell…

for one of a number of questions i face 

‘TIME’ is a friend I do not have to chase

you are my crust 

as you replace my broken trust

for GOLD DUST

thank you ~ that you are mine ~ 

the gift of ‘TIME’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let praises rise from the inside of me
May You delight in the inside of me
Come fill my life from the inside of me
Set me on fire from the inside of me

Fill my life till all they see is You, Lord
Fill my heart till all they see is You, Lord
Glorify Your name

All I want Is for You to be glorified
For You to be lifted high

For most of the time we have a closed sign on the door to the inside of us. We may make the doorway available to our nearest and dearest, as those who live with us will have more access than most.

But there is always that back room ~ with the private sign ~ that no one else sees the inside of ~

Except God of course ~ nothing is hidden from Him.

This time last year I was angry on the inside. This year I am healing on the inside.

I was grieving on the inside, the swell of grief would rise like a wave and roll from deep inside as the reality of my brokenness crashed over my moments.

The words from our mouths can often contradict what is on the inside of us in an attempt to window dress our lives.

Emotional reactions and knee jerk responses or even our silence is the voice that reveals the inside of us. 

Listen for the silence ~ They are a revelation from the inside of us.

The whisper of our soul ~ Listen ~ and you will hear your soul speak.

Its that room we call the spare room, where all the stuff goes ~ the buried and ignored stuff.

Every time the door opens to put more stuff in, from our consience we hear the siren in a noisy whisper ~ sound from the room ~ 

Sort me out ~ Clean me ~ Order my chaos ~ Throw me away …

How long will we ignore the inside of us?

Sadly many die with it all still on the inside ~ their life was robbed of a guilt and shame free soul.

Both my husband and I could have been that person. Had he never been exposed we could have died with all that stuff, toxic and decayed on the inside of us.

I cannot tell you how wonderfully healing and freeing it has been to open the door to everyone, to put right all the wrongs, to forgive and one day i won’t need to remind myself to choose to forget the pain and damage.

For my husband, he has his greatest opportunity to live the remainder of his life free from the lurking silent howl of Skeletor, the demon of his past.

In its place in that room i want to use the space to advise, help and serve others to listen to the voice on the inside of them…