I want to hear him say
i want to see him do
i want to want to let him
say and do ~ for him ~ not me or you…
Easy to say ~ not so easy to put into practice.
This is the only way it can be ~ I refuse to make known mine or others demands ~ I turn down the option to ask him for anything in this pathway of reconciliation.
This doesn’t mean there are no demands ~ I have many.
I have a long list ~
He doesn’t know from my voice what they are ~ There is no hurry ~ I am not rushing this process.
It is his conscience he needs to listen to ~
If he is willing to listen it will speak to him.
There are actions he is either ignoring or procrastinating for now ~ he knows what they are…
He has ticked some boxes already.
They’re like instalments ~ they need to be regular and continuous deposits of loyalty and commitment to his God, marriage and family account.
I need to watch and hear him do what needs to be done and say what needs to be said. It’s what he desires and understands to be vital, urgent and important that is going to make things right and will make the difference.
Not because demands are made of him.
If i directed him in these matters he would do them and say them, one by one as i pointed them out. He loves me ~ he will want to please me.
I need more ~ We need more ~ Him ~ Me ~ His Family.
We need to see him taking the initiative and not relying on anyone to point out what is required.
I have done this throughout our marriage in many ways.
Dropping hints ~ most times i needed to drop a house brick before he would hear what i was saying or needed.
He phoned my mother today ~ to say happy birthday to her ~ Brownie point!
He has never phoned my mum before ~ I was immensely proud of him for doing that.
I would never have thought to ask this of him, which made it even more significant.
Truth alone ~ will protect us. Truth alone ~ will heal us. Truth alone ~
will rebuild and reconcile us.
Lies alone ~ will damage us. Lies alone ~ will deteriorate us. Lies alone ~
will divorce us.
A Lie is never our ally. A friend recently said to me ~
‘Truth is our friend’ ~ A loyal friend.
A hard truth is more healing than a easy lie.
A hard truth may take time to figure out ~ An easy lie will only take an instant to mess everything up.
So far ~ So good.
I don’t know yet how to not be suspicious or imagine an ulterior motive in play or anticipate the reappearance of the Grey One.
This will take time to change ~ there are times i think it will take longer than i hoped. There are so many things that trigger doubts and anxieties that need to die. But i am committed to accept the change with open arms and embrace trust for my husband ~ My loved one.
The one thing I cannot demand is his loyalty ~ It can only be given and this is what I need and expect from now ~ I can only give him mine.