Who Are You…

Who Are You…

The only version of you

is your version of you 

 the best or the worst

it’s the one there is…

One life we’re all given.

There are no second chances where we can tear up the years that have passed and begin again.

Every day we have the opportunity to make that day count ~ to be a day to remember.

There is no other YOU. All your past and present experiences ~ both painful and pleasurable have shaped you into the person you are now.

Your filter is unique to you, how you view life and others and process every circumstance, situation and experience ~ how we act, react, think and speak.

No one can ever make a clear decision for you. No one else can decide what will make you, you.

The role of being you is taken ~ you have the job and no one can do it for you, either better or worse.

Listen if you will ~ to the advice of those you trust, who influence you and have no ulterior motive ~ even then the choice is yours to make ~ you are resposible.

There is always a bigger picture to consider.

Your choices, decisions and actions may be in one direction for now, but another for the future.

What is best for your future, and the future of those you love is always without question the best decision and or action to take…

Because the future always comes, with or without you.

Your legacy lives on ~ good or bad ~ honouring or dishonering ~  Your story, your love, your selflessness, your choices, achievements, disappointments and failings continue for genreations.

Yes it matters, because when you’re no longer alive, when the future becomes the present for your children and grandchildren ~ your choice ~ today ~ REALLY MATTERS.



Bubbles Burst?

Bubbles Burst?

Imagine taking the time and tranquility to run a bath of water to the perfect temperature, hot enough but not scalding.

You add your expensive oils and bubbles invested in for the finest skin care and aroma to soak in. They will wash away all the dirt from your body knowing that following a long relaxing soak you will feel clean fresh and smelling wonderful. While allowing all the stresses worries and cares to float away from off of your shoulders.

Then just before you get in you give the water a stir to test the heat and your hand gets caught in the chain and the plug is pulled.

You grapple around unable to see clearly because of the bubbles and the cloudy water they created, trying desperately to get the plug back in the plughole. All attempts fail and the water is disappearing rapidly down the drain.

Until all that is left are the bubbles.

Though the water is all gone in what seems the blink of an eye the bubbles will take a long time to pop. The bubbles may look lovely as they reflect the light and present many colours, but they only epitomize what is gone, and they, eventually will burst and be gone too.

Yes you can run another bath in time when the water heater restores the possibility to do so.

But that will be a new bath, and will take time to rerun.

The other is gone ~ down the drain, plummeting with haste through underground pipes then out into the open waters.

Those elements of water will never exist together again.

There are many varied unplanned and unprepared for catastrophes that will pull the plug on life.

A car crash, illness, theft, assaults, redundancy, medical or other mistakes or negligence may occur. Along with infidelity, relational breakdown and death, they all have the potential to be life changing to an overwhelming level.

Three years have passed since the plug was pulled out of my life. For a year I grappled to get the plug back in so that my entire life didn’t circle down the drain.

There were the confusing meddling cloudy contaminated bitter sweet waters that were unrelenting in their vague mystifying bewilderment, blurring and complicating all efforts to save and salvage the dregs of a precious relationship that had taken years to cultivate and get as good as possible.

Weeds and nettles, thorns and briars as well as the plumes and scents of buds, blossoms and blooms.

Down the drain it all went…

Why am I writing about this now after three years?

Because I am three years ahead of someone who may just have had the plug pulled.

Or two years forward from somebody who’s life in some form has just gone down the drain.

I’m inspired to reach out to help encourage empower and enable others toward hope and faith, strength and resilience.

My last bubble is ready to burst, and i am ready.

I have been living in a bubble since summer 2015.

Many have burst, but there has always been another to draw me in.

I may be in my last one or maybe my last but one, I have no fear, I am ready for the real world and a real life however it may materialise.

Recently I said to friends that I have been living in a bubble of unreality and I don’t have a tangible life yet.

Very kindly and without judgement they replied:

That’s how it looks from outside your bubble.

Though bubbles are real, and you can see the future through them, they are not the future, they’re not meant for permanence. They’re transitional, the space between what was and what is next.

But they are delicate, precious, protective and provisional while they exist.

What are bubbles?

Bubbles are compartments of soapy water that are full of air. When soap and water are combined and air is wafted into the combination, the soap produces a thin coating that traps air inside it, forming a bubble.

What a wonderful picture of our creator Gods shield and shelter in a time of trauma and life change.

With air in the bubble we can breathe, where there is breath we have life, where there is life we have hope and where there is hope…

…we have the joyful expectation of good.

Then joy gives way to strength and with strength comes healing and purpose, opportunity and promise.

I want to introduce you to my bubbles.

First, the bubble shock. As in an electric shock, there is a debilitation and feeling of being out of control as the body shakes. The tremors of despair and trauma are numbing. I was able to function without falling apart, because the body has its way of protecting itself with almost a formidable strength that is quite difficult to understand unless you are that person. I talked myself out of that bubble within several months.

Then there was the bubble denial. I refused to let my husband go, even when friends and family so loyally wanted to pop that one for me. I was not willing to face the unpleasant facts and acknowledge the truth that separation means separate directions. That bubble didn’t burst until a few short months ago.

Regret, that one would entice me in every now and then. I would begin to think of what I could have and should have done differently, even in our last few months together.

Anger, I visited that one several times, often vented when I was with my husband. I would express my anger with a text or email that would light my fire of frustration for his stupidity and recklessness. And her, she was the focus of so much anger, which got ugly at times. I don’t really care much on the matter of her anymore, apart from being sorry for her. I have made other judgements but they’re not for airing now.

Diversion, This was a big bubble and I loved being inside the membrane of distraction. Thankfully I am creative and never tire of projects to design. I work with driftwood, pebbles and wool. It has been a delight that many of my designs have actually sold. There is a page on my website where my work can be browsed and purchased. www.bornoffiremedia.org  Elaine Johnston Designs.

Friendships. Though my friends will always be there, and not burst, there has been intensity in the strength and support I have absorbed from them. I love and appreciate friends who have patiently been there when I needed them. I have spent weeks on the road travelling from town to town drawing from their love and care.

Then there’s acceptance, which is the one I am in now. It should be the most painful, but in reality, it is the most liberating. This covering allows me to contemplate my future. Honestly, I never imagined being ready for this. Amazingly I am excited about what’s ahead and am looking forward to finding my own home in the New Year and where that will be. Previously I have struggled to think about where home will be as in the past an opportunity or purpose has determined where I have lived. Now I am at peace in my head about where I plan to settle for the next chapter of my life.

Thank you God for bubbles, in them you have protected me from fear and worry, as I have never felt unsafe or unloved or forgotten.

Look forward to the promise troubled friends; in the meantime remain in the bubble. They will burst when it’s time. Where a person may want to pop it prematurely for you, smile and move out of the way.

I have it on reliable divine authority that everything will be ok, more than ok.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 He (God) has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart…

Psalm 18:30 As for God His way is perfect.



Dear Friends,

I would like to take an opportunity to converse following the release of Reverend Grey.
From the outset I was prepared for the many varied reactions and responses, thoughts and feelings from family, friends and others whom I don’t know.
I appreciate and accept everyone’s entitlement to react, approve or disapprove, according to how they are affected and influenced by Reverend Grey, regardless of having read it or not.
Each persons opinion and conjecture is theirs to hold from where, who or whatever source it is based on ~ I 100% respect that.
However I would like to acknowledge personally the responses that I have been made aware of and I am sure their are many more to come. I accept and welcome them all.

Briefly, I need to confirm there have been many, mainly private, encouraging and positive responses and comments for which I am deeply grateful.

There has also been opportunities to listen to the troubled and broken ones who are suffering as I was.

I am profoundly humbled that wives have felt safe and confident in my discretion, to speak to me.

Also in a few sensitive words, and for the love, concern and appreciation I have for my fellow men. If 42% of Christian men in the U.K. admitted in a private poll to having an addiction to porn, in any group of 10 Christian men, potentially, at least 4 are addicted.
For this reason I can totally understand why men will want to keep this subject silent and buried, as my husband did, because at the moment there is nowhere for them to go.
It is my purpose and hope that Reverend Grey will provide such a place.

Be very very thankful if pornography has not entered your families peripheral sight.

One truth ~ Many perspectives.
A number of people can stand beneath the sun on a cloudless day.

Truth: The sun is shining, there will be shadows.

To one their shadow falls straight ahead, to others the shadow falls to the right or left or half way between. To others there is no shadow in their view because they cannot see it. It’s there behind them. For them to see their shadow they will need to change their perspective. They will need to move, to realign themselves to another reality.

Life casts many shadows in our field of vision, meaning we can become focused only on how and what we see or perceive something to be.

Reverend Grey has cast some shadows that I would like to address with love and warmth to my friends.


“It’s too soon, she should have waited until they’re both sorted” 

Valid point. I may have advised another person the same way. I chatted to a couple of friends about this also with my husband and family, offering my reason for releasing the book whilst still in the aftermath of exposure.

Many autobiographies have been written about painful and life altering catastrophes years after the event, when the pain had subsided.

Many subjects and situations would require the wisdom of this without question.

I genuinely wanted to write from the centre and source of our all consuming suffering, I felt it was important to our specific experience to convey the consequences of secret sins and the sequence of events that followed in real time, rather than in an historic account.

Realising it would make it tough for the readers who know us well and possibly cause unintentional opportunities for offence to be taken.

Which I honestly do not revel in.

My objective was to create the biggest, noisiest and bloodiest impact in my effort to warn against and ward off temptations to the sinister practice of sexual internet indiscretions.

Plus. When will I be sorted? If ever on this earth?

“She’s cashing in on her pain”

This was a hard one to swallow… Gulp! It’s down and out through the system now. Cynical and sceptical perspectives are not beyond anyone of us and I accept I positioned myself for such. I cannot prove to or convince anyone of my hearts motivations ~ it is futile to try should this be anyone’s perspective. I counted it crucial to my relationship with God, my husband and family, to continually examine my motives throughout the process. I could not live with peace and joy in my heart if in my conscience it was about ‘cashing in’?

“If I was a member of her church I would feel angry with her”
“I trusted her, she shouldn’t have remained silent”

I understand, I am sorry for the contribution I made to deceive.

“It’s gossip

This was quite offensive, but it’s ok, I’m not offended.

Not only could this comment have offended me, but also all who have contributed to Reverend Grey, by insinuating they have all endorsed gossip.

I know that they all searched their hearts and asked me questions and the publishers submitted an early manuscript to friends and colleagues who they trusted for their opinion.

The biblical definitions of gossip are:
Slander ~ spinning lies to cause damage. Or adding one’s own ‘spin’ to a truth to alter its emphasis.
Rumour ~ passing on information that is not confirmed as true.
Backbiting ~ words that speak spitefully against a person who is not present to defend themselves.
Not~Really~Joking Jokes ~ When joking is undermining and harmful to the character of another.
Planting seeds ~ words spoken in such a way that provokes negative assumptions about a persons character.
Whispered Innuendo ~ subtle insinuations that intend to mislead.
Got~All~This~Wrong Gossip ~ admitting it’s untrue but spread it anyway as some part of it may be true.

None of the above can be found in Reverend Grey. Should someone view Reverend Grey from the perspective of gossip, you will more than likely justify it in the
Dishing The Dirt‘ definition. Though I have not detailed any dirt, I have for a specific purpose written clearly the areas and circumstances of where our difficulties were and where my husbands sins lay. All with my husbands complete consent following reading the full unedited manuscript and the final proof, as he also does not want another marriage to suffer from the same sins as ours have.

“What legacy will this leave for your future generations

The legacy is assigned due to the exposure of my husbands lifestyle and my silence.

Families pass all the good and bad history from generation to generation. Some members of a family may choose to keep the bad stuff to themselves, while others will pass it on. Questions will be asked due to sudden changes in the photograph album or someone disappears from history, why relationships changed on social media.

It would be impossible to protect our future Great and Great Great Grandchildren from the reasons of our demise.

We can all relate to a name that is mentioned from the past, and what legacy they left behind.
It was of primary importance for me to turn my personal legacy around by writing Reverend Grey.

To speak out about what is a very difficult subject, that may have made me unpopular with some. By tipping silence on its head and voicing the horrors of secret internet addictions ~

That are prolific in today’s culture.

Silence does not make them disappear, silence feeds, stimulates and increases these addictions.

My husband has the choice to do the same in his own way, I believe he will one day.

My hope is that Reverend Grey penetrates the core of individuals sexual internet addictions, in so doing will save marriages and families, save careers,
callings and missions.

Save a father, a mother, a husband, a wife, daughter, brother or child.

Perhaps not in my lifetime… Even so…

This hope will be my legacy.

With love,


To all my Followers and Visitors…

Thank you so much for all the interest shown on this blog from all over the world. I sincerely hope it has been a help to many. When i began writing i did not have the consent from my husband. In respect of him i used a Penn Name to protect our identity.

Last Friday i launched Reverend Grey as a book, with my husbands consent i have written it in my own name. We did not feel that in the light of our secrets now exposed, we could publicise our story in the dark.

Reverend Grey is available from my website and Amazon. I will continue to blog and publish our lives forward in authenticity and honesty via http://www.bornoffiremedia.org and the Born of Fire Media Facebook page.

If you would like to contact me, please do so through the Contact page on the website or through bornoffiremedia@gmail.com

May blessings and goodness overtake you,

Elaine x

Its a Foggy Night

Its a Foggy Night

A dark and misty night

the road no lamp to light 

i know where i should be

but the way i cannot see

I recall a foggy evening when I was a small child, I have a very distinctive memory of this particular night.

We were out as a family, my parents, my eldest sister and my grandparents. We couldn’t get home because the fog was dense and it was impossible to see see the road in front of us.

My nan could drive (not many nan’s drove in the 1960’s) so my dad had an idea that would get his family safely home.

He would walk in front of the car, with the palms of his hands facing backwards. With the headlights on, my nan could clearly see my dads hands as he led us home. She drove behind him and followed him closely and slowly as he walked ahead.

There was no negotiation with my dad which way we went home. There were numerous routes, but the choice was his to take and our only hope of getting home was to follow his hands.

If we had not followed my fathers hands we would have got hopelessly lost, until the fog cleared.

 All our eyes were fixed on my fathers hands.

We couldn’t see the road ahead, though the route was a familiar one, we couldn’t tell where we were. All the regular landmarks were invisible to our senses. We couldn’t see any possible dangers or potential risks. Neither was there any conversation between my father and his mother. She simply had no choice ~

but to trust his hands to get us home.

There were others on the road, facing the same challenges and avoiding similar hazards, but we couldn’t see them, we couldn’t help them and they couldn’t help us. we were alone in our bubble of temporary blindness, with only the palms of my fathers hands to lead us safely home.

I remember very well, we were not at all worried, or frightened.

We trusted our guide to take us home.

He loved us, we were his family, his wife, children and parents. He would do nothing to cause us harm or alarm, we were confident in his ability and assured by his knowledge.


Life is still misty ~ on the brink of dawn, and i don’t know whats  ahead.

One thing is certain…

Daylight always arrives ~ on time ~  the sun will rise again ~

the expectation is bright.


What is getting me through the fog?

The palms of my heavenly Fathers hands…

Even there Your hand will lead me and Your right hand will hold me ~ Psalm 139:10

The Grey One ~ Alive but He’s not Well…

The Grey One ~ Alive but He’s not Well…

Yes I’m ready to write

back on my feet to fight

with no option of flight

in the wake of such a fright

I don’t know what to say, the situation I am in now is very confusing.

I am enduring an extreme set back. We both knew it would be a long journey of reconciliation with determination that would include some set backs along the way.

As long as we both had the will to reconcile, we would make it.

It has brought to the surface once again all emotions that escalate through betrayal and deception. But what is far worse now is that the children also feel betrayed, deceived and lied to.

Betrayals of this magnitude are raw for the children, they haven’t been through the layer by layer exposures that i have experienced. Even so my bounce back is a long time coming. I feel overwhelmed at the site of a pile of dirty dishes or a full laundry basket. The simplest and mindless of tasks that i have ‘Just got on with’ in the past are not serving me the distraction they have previously.

Never in my dreams would I have imagined that my husband would choose to withdraw from his family, because the decision he recently made excludes them as well as me, from his life.

My husband is ruthlessly and wilfully committing relationship crime against his Faith family and friends. 

If a person is feeling compelled to commit a crime, but doesn’t follow the action through ~ their family and friends link arms with them in love and support.

If a person has committed a crime, then along with regret and sorrow, pays the penalty for their wrongs and vows never to commit the crime again ~ their family and friends stand by them.

If a person intends to commit a crime and ignoring the advice and the pleading of friends not to persist with the transgression, proceeds with the crime ~ they will lose their family and friends.

No-one wants to aid and abet with crime. Even crimes against morals, values and ethics.

The outcome of behaviour of this sort is judged more severely if the lawbreaker is known to be a committed christian.

When I recap the last few weeks before his dramatic announcement, first to his family, then later to me, the signs were becoming visible. I could sense the influence that was revealed by the U Turns in my husbands words and behaviour, he changed overnight, his warmth and affections were gone from his eyes again. He was becoming angry again, pro porting blame to me and others, demanding accountability from others regarding their feelings towards specific issues.

At around the same time my husband touched ‘send’ to his family cancelling his promise to put all his wrongs right ~ He touched another ‘send’ to a text to me ~ that simply read

“I love you xxx”

These are the actions of a person who is confused and deeply troubled.

i am almost convinced my husband didn’t compose the script that would once again ruin him.


I catagorically believe he is not in his right mind. It is my judgement that my husband doesn’t know who to be with his family.

He has fallen between his two identities. His flaws are so intrenched in his mind and soul ~ that to choose the flawed lifestyle, was his only option.

Has he fallen on his sword? To spare us all from the double life he cannot hide from or live without anymore.

He needs a mental health assessment, and medical professional help before any other intervention.

I fear my husband could suffer a stroke, heart attack or a complete mental breakdown if he continues in his chosen lifestyle.

He says it is ‘Love’ that he has chosen, yet while saying so he messaged his ‘Love’ for me at the same time…

The love he has chosen is what my husband would call ‘Mars Bar Love’.

The exciting anticipation, of eating the mars bar or another chocolate or favourite food or possession or experience is a lovely warm feeling that is often commercialised as a sensual and erotic sensation by image makers.

But when you are full of ‘Mars Bars’ the thought of another is sickening ~ until the appetite revives and a love for it returns.

This kind of love is not long lasting, it does not equal the consistency of fulfilment, contentment and peace.

This is why my husband told me he resented her being in the flat after he had ended the fling. This is why he cried with relief when she eventually left, he phoned me immediately to tell me she had gone. He phoned all his children to tell them she had gone. He felt a weight had lifted from him.

For a few brief weeks earlier this year my husband was the happiest I had seen him for years, his blood pressure that had soared earlier in the year had begun come down.

He told me he had not valued what he had with me and family. Saying his two main regrets were letting me go on the tenth of August 2016 then allowing her to move in with him.

I read an email he had written to a friend telling him he has made things worse by stupidly allowing a women to move in with him.

This was the most depressing season of his life ~ how does he expect to arrive at a station, with a scenery overflowing with love joy and happiness, when he has taken the same Ghost Train.

Early in our reconciliation we talked about a ring he had bought me for our 25th wedding anniversary. He asked why I didn’t wear it as I was wearing my original engagement ring. I told him how undervalued the ring made me feel because he showed no interest and when I went to collect it from the jewellers after being altered he sent me in to the shop myself and he stayed in the car.

He wept and was very sorry he had been so indifferent, he promised he would NEVER undervalue me again….

He was regretful that he had not been there for me when i had surgery, saying he should have been the one who looked after me.

I had to have surgery again recently, he was not around again. I booked a taxi to go to hospital on my own as my children were working. I was fine with this, I’m a big girl ~ but it would have been good to have my husband with me, to look after me.

he confessed he had neglected our marriage, because he worked too many hours in a day, and began to promise us a life with more free time to spend together and take trips to Rome, Berlin and New York that have been on my bucket list for years ~ I was amazed he actually remembered them.

We talked of the reality of a long term dream that we planned in our thirties.

i don’t blame her, my children are not angry with her.

Their father is the one they hold responsible. Opinions of her are about what she represents. She is a product of a different culture to ours, her values and morals are about now and this life, she doesn’t have an eternal perspective ~ at the moment.

My husband told me she believes God is a fairy story and that if they want to be together, every one else should accept it. This isn’t a uncommon value system ~ but it will never be my husbands or his families.

Yes the bible teaches us to ‘Love Accept and Forgive’

~ There is a vast difference between ‘Acceptance and Approval’...

Because we can never approve of my husbands choices ~ this creates an impasse affecting breakdown of relationship ~ with no possibility of a relationship with those he is involved with.

My children do not want their children to be exposed in any way to my husbands choices or that they are acceptable and approved of at any level by their parents.

The bible also teaches us to choose friends and those we spend time with wisely, so that we are influenced towards a healthy and wholesome, honest and as pure as possible lifestyle.

Influence is subtle and we won’t recognise we are being influenced unless we are intentionally aware of it. This is the reason for the biblical guideline.

This is also another issue my children raised ~ regarding the influences they invite into their homes.

Sadly this is how it is at the moment because my husband invited immoral influences into his life.

I sincerely pray that in 2018 my husband discovers the man he is designed to be. The genuine him whoever he is will be loved accepted and forgiven when we meet him,

For now mine and my husbands unknown future is entrusted into the hands of our all-knowing God.


Thank you again  for all who read my blog, i appreciate the vast world wide support from you all ~ Catch up again soon x

Offences ~ The Colour Of Our Thread

Offences ~ The Colour Of Our Thread

Proverbs 19:11
The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger.

It is his glory to overlook an offence.

The opportunity to be offended can be a daily occurrence, unless we learn how to handle them. Amazingly, as we practice positive and healthy reactions to offences, they occur less often.

We cannot do anything about the judgments and reactions of others towards us.
It isn’t actually my business what others think or say about me. I am not responsible or accountable for anything that is said of me by others.

None of us like to be judged ~ BUT ~ there is a big difference between being judged and someone simply making a personal judgement.

We cannot avoid making judgments. We make them every day about what someone says or the actions they take, without even calculating the effect of our judgment. Most of us in that moment decide what we think or feel then carry on with our day and forget the moment immediately.

The danger of becoming judge and jury depends on how we continue to process the conclusions we come to, then become judgmental, by categorising a persons character and motives, based on our presupposed and possibly biased judgments.

For us to know the undiluted incentive and purpose behind another’s words and actions we would have to get inside their head and heart and walk a lifetime in their shoes ~ which is impossible.

All we have to make our own evaluations on an issue, is the filter of our own experiences.  It’s at this point that our opinion can become polluted and judgmental. Even when we know a person really well, we only know of them what they want us to know.

There are countless men and women who have suffered terribly throughout their lives, carrying the stigma of historical abuse, domestic violence, mental illness and so much more. And no-one ~ ever ~ knew.

This impacts monumentally on their judgements and reactions toward others.

The colour of the thread of all they endured is woven through their entire lives and throbs within them like a contorted tendon that no one can see or comprehend. The fact that they have sustained life at all is admirable.

If we fail to understand that we can never know a person completely, with all their unique complexities and and entanglements, we will make misunderstood judgements and hold undeserved prejudices, predictions and presumptions, which in some issues say more about us than the person we judge.

In many cases it is crucial to make a judgement on how a person presents at face value. When looking for a childminder to care for our children or a carer for an elderly relative, to name just two critical situations. Though this is not the subject of this blog, i feel i should qualify.

It is the “sometimes i just cannot help it” kind of judgements we all fall into ~ Our humanity is easily aroused. I have heard them, concurred with them and even worse ~ yes i admit pronounced them myself.

~ It is what we do with judgements that may not be ok.

Words and actions don’t automatically reflect what is in our heart. We learn to compensate for our painful reality.

Just as we would if we had a limping leg, we use our healthy leg more.

Emotionally most of us present ourselves as healthy and keep our limp hidden, for no one to see.

Sometimes, not always, there are three truths when words are spoken and deeds are actioned.

  1. What was actually said and done.

  2. The perceptions that motivated what was said and done.

  3. Our personal perception of what we heard and saw.

Why? Because my thread is a different colour to your thread, you cannot see my thread, i cannot see your thread. The knots, twists and turns and frayed edges of my thread are in a different place to yours.

We don’t even know ourselves entirely, because the needle and thread begins its masterpiece in our infancy, even before we are born.

My husband and i were in someones else car many years ago. I saw a condom in the door pocket. The car belonged to a married man.

Due to the effect that my husbands behaviour had impacted on me, i immediately suspected the car owner was being unfaithful to his wife. It was more than probable that there was a moral explanation, but my default was set to suspect an immoral conclusion.

i don’t speak as though i am on trial for my words, I just speak. We are all on trial ~ but not to each other, generally.

One day, every one of us will be called to give an account of every glib word we have spoken and every action we have taken.

But I tell you, on the day of judgment people will have to give an account for every careless or useless word they speak. Matthew 12:36 Amplified Bible

Once words are out of our mouth they are no longer ours.

They will be interpreted and judged in many different ways by our listeners.

When our torments are combined with other people torments, we may find empathy, warmth and mutual appreciation, even when the scars that nag and pull relentlessly are not mentioned.

This is recognised as friendship

When they combine with some others, they may collide with a combustion of anxiety, confusion and inward strife.

A personality clash, this is called.

There have been many comments over the years that might have offended me or negatively nested in me. Their motive may have been completely pure and loving with my best interest and well being at heart. Or their reaction may have spilled over from the pain and disappointment they are carrying from personal life experiences.

I don’t think many people wake up in the morning and decide they want to offend someone today.

This is why is it important to manage possible offence healthily.

We can decide… Are we Teflon coated? To protect our hearts, emotions and mind. So that the residue of last nights offence will simply wash of us. Or are we coated with Velcro? so all the offences will build up then eventually even what is kind and pure will become contaminated by all those layers of burned on flecks and stains of previous vocal and physical exploitations.

This will leave us feeling threatened, defensive and insecure with a greater potential to carry more offences.

Recently I have become aware of some Velcro coating and I have residue.

I need to be ruthless with the soap and water and scourer.

Maybe like me, you too need to soak for a while.

Are you unsure? We don’t notice the stains from the build up of offences on ourselves. We see it on others but may not notice the gradual build up on our own lives. Ask yourself some questions on the subject and be willing to listen to your consience.

On the subject of threads weaving through our lives, there is another thread that began before we were born. Printed on a our spiritual DNA

it began in everyone who ever they are or were.

It goes like this…

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you.   Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.   Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.   Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.   Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.   Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.   Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.    Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.   Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.  Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.   Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live.   Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.   Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother’s womb.   Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.   Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me.   John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love.  1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.   1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father.   1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.   Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.   Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.   James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.   Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.   Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.   Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.  Psalm 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.   Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.   Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.  Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.   Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.   Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.   Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.   Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.   Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.   Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.   2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.   2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.   Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.   Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.   Revelation 21:3-4

And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.   Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.    John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.    John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.   Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you.    Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.    2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.    2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you.   1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.    Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me.    1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.   Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.   Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father.    Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child?     John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.    Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad.
Almighty God