I would like to take an opportunity to converse following the release of Reverend Grey.
From the outset I was prepared for the many varied reactions and responses, thoughts and feelings from family, friends and others whom I don’t know.
I appreciate and accept everyone’s entitlement to react, approve or disapprove, according to how they are affected and influenced by Reverend Grey, regardless of having read it or not.
Each persons opinion and conjecture is theirs to hold from where, who or whatever source it is based on ~ I 100% respect that.
However I would like to acknowledge personally the responses that I have been made aware of and I am sure their are many more to come. I accept and welcome them all.
Briefly, I need to confirm there have been many, mainly private, encouraging and positive responses and comments for which I am deeply grateful.
There has also been opportunities to listen to the troubled and broken ones who are suffering as I was.
I am profoundly humbled that wives have felt safe and confident in my discretion, to speak to me.
Also in a few sensitive words, and for the love, concern and appreciation I have for my fellow men. If 42% of Christian men in the U.K. admitted in a private poll to having an addiction to porn, in any group of 10 Christian men, potentially, at least 4 are addicted.
For this reason I can totally understand why men will want to keep this subject silent and buried, as my husband did, because at the moment there is nowhere for them to go.
It is my purpose and hope that Reverend Grey will provide such a place.
Be very very thankful if pornography has not entered your families peripheral sight.
One truth ~ Many perspectives.
A number of people can stand beneath the sun on a cloudless day.
Truth: The sun is shining, there will be shadows.
To one their shadow falls straight ahead, to others the shadow falls to the right or left or half way between. To others there is no shadow in their view because they cannot see it. It’s there behind them. For them to see their shadow they will need to change their perspective. They will need to move, to realign themselves to another reality.
Life casts many shadows in our field of vision, meaning we can become focused only on how and what we see or perceive something to be.
Reverend Grey has cast some shadows that I would like to address with love and warmth to my friends.
“It’s too soon, she should have waited until they’re both sorted”
Valid point. I may have advised another person the same way. I chatted to a couple of friends about this also with my husband and family, offering my reason for releasing the book whilst still in the aftermath of exposure.
Many autobiographies have been written about painful and life altering catastrophes years after the event, when the pain had subsided.
Many subjects and situations would require the wisdom of this without question.
I genuinely wanted to write from the centre and source of our all consuming suffering, I felt it was important to our specific experience to convey the consequences of secret sins and the sequence of events that followed in real time, rather than in an historic account.
Realising it would make it tough for the readers who know us well and possibly cause unintentional opportunities for offence to be taken.
Which I honestly do not revel in.
My objective was to create the biggest, noisiest and bloodiest impact in my effort to warn against and ward off temptations to the sinister practice of sexual internet indiscretions.
Plus. When will I be sorted? If ever on this earth?
“She’s cashing in on her pain”
This was a hard one to swallow… Gulp! It’s down and out through the system now. Cynical and sceptical perspectives are not beyond anyone of us and I accept I positioned myself for such. I cannot prove to or convince anyone of my hearts motivations ~ it is futile to try should this be anyone’s perspective. I counted it crucial to my relationship with God, my husband and family, to continually examine my motives throughout the process. I could not live with peace and joy in my heart if in my conscience it was about ‘cashing in’?
“If I was a member of her church I would feel angry with her”
“I trusted her, she shouldn’t have remained silent”
I understand, I am sorry for the contribution I made to deceive.
This was quite offensive, but it’s ok, I’m not offended.
Not only could this comment have offended me, but also all who have contributed to Reverend Grey, by insinuating they have all endorsed gossip.
I know that they all searched their hearts and asked me questions and the publishers submitted an early manuscript to friends and colleagues who they trusted for their opinion.
The biblical definitions of gossip are:
Slander ~ spinning lies to cause damage. Or adding one’s own ‘spin’ to a truth to alter its emphasis.
Rumour ~ passing on information that is not confirmed as true.
Backbiting ~ words that speak spitefully against a person who is not present to defend themselves.
Not~Really~Joking Jokes ~ When joking is undermining and harmful to the character of another.
Planting seeds ~ words spoken in such a way that provokes negative assumptions about a persons character.
Whispered Innuendo ~ subtle insinuations that intend to mislead.
Got~All~This~Wrong Gossip ~ admitting it’s untrue but spread it anyway as some part of it may be true.
None of the above can be found in Reverend Grey. Should someone view Reverend Grey from the perspective of gossip, you will more than likely justify it in the
‘Dishing The Dirt‘ definition. Though I have not detailed any dirt, I have for a specific purpose written clearly the areas and circumstances of where our difficulties were and where my husbands sins lay. All with my husbands complete consent following reading the full unedited manuscript and the final proof, as he also does not want another marriage to suffer from the same sins as ours have.
“What legacy will this leave for your future generations”
The legacy is assigned due to the exposure of my husbands lifestyle and my silence.
Families pass all the good and bad history from generation to generation. Some members of a family may choose to keep the bad stuff to themselves, while others will pass it on. Questions will be asked due to sudden changes in the photograph album or someone disappears from history, why relationships changed on social media.
It would be impossible to protect our future Great and Great Great Grandchildren from the reasons of our demise.
We can all relate to a name that is mentioned from the past, and what legacy they left behind.
It was of primary importance for me to turn my personal legacy around by writing Reverend Grey.
To speak out about what is a very difficult subject, that may have made me unpopular with some. By tipping silence on its head and voicing the horrors of secret internet addictions ~
That are prolific in today’s culture.
Silence does not make them disappear, silence feeds, stimulates and increases these addictions.
My husband has the choice to do the same in his own way, I believe he will one day.
My hope is that Reverend Grey penetrates the core of individuals sexual internet addictions, in so doing will save marriages and families, save careers,
callings and missions.
Save a father, a mother, a husband, a wife, daughter, brother or child.
Perhaps not in my lifetime… Even so…
This hope will be my legacy.